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Moon Day…

… so I’m taking things a little easy today.

Left eye is swelling up again & I’m trying to decide whether to go see someone (ie doctor) for drops or continue with self treatment… with visions of cytomegalovirus dancing in my head…

Meantime, treating it as common blepharitis, I microwave my face cloth & change towel/pillow case daily–or ought to. Last night was just too exhausted after evening vinyasa flow… & yes, it’s worse this morning & feels like an infection in my system but I’m going to attribute it to it being a moon day…

Problem with my artifically suppressed immune system–any bug that comes along feels welcome & settles down!

Also have to go make a bank transfer for a friend. I was uncomfortable about this at first-not just the sum but that it’s not the first request & none of the previous loans have been repaid, & also that I suspect it won’t be the last & trying to live off my savings for the duration of finishing The Book means anything I take out of the bank is less writing time.

Anyway, not writing for regular income right now just makes me feel generally guilty. So yes, I prayed about it. Even wondered should I suggest financial counselling as well as/instead of a ‘loan’?

(don’t worry–she doesn’t use computers & won’t read this!)

But then I logged into a bible study site (unusual for me!) & got this: (2 Cor 9)

But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. 7 So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. 9 As it is written: “He has dispersed abroad, He has given to the poor; His righteousness endures forever.”* 10 Now may* He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness, 11 while you are enriched in everything for all liberality, which causes thanksgiving through us to God. 12 For the administration of this service not only supplies the needs of the saints, but also is abounding through many thanksgivings to God, 13 while, through the proof of this ministry, they glorify God for the obedience of your confession to the gospel of Christ, and for your liberal sharing with them and all men, 14 and by their prayer for you, who long for you because of the exceeding grace of God in you. 15 Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!

& realised a lot of my fear was tied to not having enough for myself & not wanting to end up in the ‘asking’ position. But yes, I’ll trust now & give generously because there will be enough for us through grace (& what other way, right?)


5 Responses

  1. Reading this post reminds me of my own attitude of “not having enough”. I feel like a tight-fisted bitch compared to your generosity right now.

    But there is another angle to this of course – which is that while you should be kind and generous to your friend, you should also remember to be kind and generous to yourself. Take care of yourself, because income is a little unreliable at the moment. Because you never know when something just crops up and you will need to dig into your savings.

    I am not in a good position to comment on your friend’s situation, so I can only relate my own experience with a colleague who once tried to borrow money from me – I refused. Things are never the same after I turned her down, but it was just as well, I guess.

    My colleague blamed circumstances and other people for putting her in debt. But I also think she made some unwise choices that led to the situation – by choosing to live paycheck to paycheck, by choosing to spend instead of repaying some portions her loans gradually – so the interest just accumulates, by the people she chooses to associate with – the ones that let her down.

    I know I sound awfully hard-hearted here, but sometimes our own choices led us to the situation. Like I said, I do not know the story of your friend’s situation but we can only help so much. The rest, is still up to her.

  2. Hi Jo, Hi Kirsten, thank you both for writing.
    Poor Jo–I know what you mean but the reasons change–she’s needed money for rent/medical/parents at different times. So yes, it’s all for good causes but I think I’ve only ‘lost’ half of what you did so I am not complaining!
    Kirsten, I tried to do that too. In fact with this friend I told her at time of the last loan that we would consider that & previous borrowings a ‘gift’ that she should not stress about repaying (initial agreement was that she would pass me $150 then $200/month but that just led to monthly explanations as to why she couldn’t make it & us becoming more & more uncomfortable with each other) but if/when she got things together for herself she could ‘gift’ me in turn if she wanted to. But I also said then that because this is time I’ve chosen to focus on writing with no immediate income I had to live off my savings & each loan cuts months off dedicated writing time. & I thought she accepted that… till this latest.
    I think it’s very good of you to do the public radio station donation. That feels more like donating to theatre groups/animal shelters in that we’re supporting something we think worth doing. But you are Right equating it with the eating disorder–I suggested counselling but she doesn’t believe in it & just joked about how a counsellor would just have told her to invest in shares that would have crashed & if she was going to pay someone to talk to her about money she might as well pay herself! I don’t think she’s being careless with money. She doesn’t think she has a problem with money but it’s always because something else has gone wrong or someone else let her down/needed help.
    But I really do like her & it’s uncomfortable feeling stingy & miserly when it comes to helping out a friend!

  3. When I “loan” money to friends, I just assume I won’t get it back. True friends repay me in other ways if they can’t do so monetarily. And if the person drops out of my life after the loan, then it’s usually money well spent!

    But I do worry about repeated lending with no repayment of any sort. Suggesting financial counseling sounds like a good idea, if she’s just being careless. Like someone with an eating disorder, though, I suspect she’ll have to want to change before the counseling would do any good.

    Funny that you wrote on this topic as I just made a donation to my public radio station and spent a few minutes fussing over whether the amount was too much/not enough/just right. I want to give, but the fear of not having enough for myself can be overwhelming.

  4. Oops sorry thats me writing the above comment hehe. 🙂

  5. Hi ovidia, did ur frd tell u what she do with those money she borrowed from u? Give wisely is what u should do. If she needs it for good cause, by all means help her. I am usually wary now when someone borrow agn n agn. If the 3rd time she doesnt pay u back, i think something is not rite. Perhaps u shld ask why she needs those loans.
    I have that experience b4. B4 i realise, i have already given a frd a total of 50 k loan on many occasions. Its stupid of me to lend her the money cos she used the money to trade in the fx mkt and lost everything. During those times when she repeatedly ask me for a loan, i shld hv stopped giving her. Now she is a bankrupt, my 50 k is gone.
    U shld be careful when u are asked more than once for loans. U cant just keep giving her loans.

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