Sniffy Thursday

Gartenfische has a beautiful Derek Walcott poem posted–go look, it’s worth it. All about the long road to exploration/recognition/acceptance of the world & self.

But the Walcott poem closest to my surface right now/most of the time is the one ending

All its indifference is a different rage.

I know–too much rage at everything, I must learn to live with if not accept indifference/deliberate blindness that’s not going to change.

But in a very strange way, though I’m sniffy & sluggish on the surface (didn’t get to sleep till after 5am) beneath I’m feeling calm, steadfast & very very happy.

Yes, I missed morning practice again–but I’ll do 90 min this afternoon.
Yes, I ‘should’ have started work earlier–but no foul, either I’ll make up for it or I won’t.
Yes, I was torn between going for tonight’s Bible study & the opening of Desmond’s latest art exhibition but figured if I would leave out what I ‘should’ do & go with what I ‘want’ to do & assume I’m tuned in to what’s best for me in the long run–looking forward to the new paintings.
Yes, I have to be more flexible, less set in stone.

Back to the Walcott Gartenfische quoted, when I return to ‘myself’, I want to have grown beyond what I started out with.

Minor start: Yesterday I got a present of 2 pashmina shawls. One in a denim-like print to wear with jeans & the other a rich red-brown paisley. I couldn’t see myself draped/dropping/tripping over shawl tails but was told they’re the best thing for going from the heated exteriors to freezing air-conditioned interiors, and I love the feel of them. So I’ll give them a try.

Minor discovery: Spent the night watching old movies (with the excuse of comparing blu rae discs vs ‘old’ dvds) & I admitted the shows I loved & most wish I had written are ‘4 Weddings & A Funeral’ & ‘Love Actually’… & didn’t get laughed at!

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2 Responses

  1. Yes! Yes! Yay! So it’s not just me… I loved the Auden eulogy too (‘words by another splendid old bugger’ or something to that effect) made me cry though I would never admit it.

    Another of my favourite moments is the running of the credits where all the stuff is tied in for ‘happily ever afters’… especially seeing Matthew finding someone else, Tom & his wife (who bought the Bo-Peep wedding dress mocked earlier) and Kirsten Scott Thomas with Prince Charles!!!

    Oh–sorry, almost forgot your other comment. Yes, I hope for that too. That that point will come with a feeling of both recognition & fulfilment. For all of us, let’s hope & work towards that!

  2. Four Weddings & a Funeral is a good choice. Haven’t watched Love Actually, so can’t say.

    There were many enjoyable moment: one was John Hannah’s eulogy – first time I ever heard Auden.

    Then there was the woman who was so into the deaf brother that she learnt sign-language. I really admired her determination at love.

    But it was Kirsten Scott Thomas’s confession of her feelings to Hugh Grant that was my favourite moment in the film. The matter-of-factness of her feelings, and the ironic resignation – that he doesn’t even know.

    I love that Walcott poem at gartenfische’s blog too. I thought it had a Rumi feel to it. That’s what I hope for, in a way. To finally come to a point in my life where I can embrace the stranger who has wandered all these years, lost – and tell myself, “You are home.”

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