Breaking the attachment

I was up in time for practice this morning. Now my inner timer wakes me even before the water heater goes on at 5.45 or the cats start meowing to be fed. But I just didn’t feel like going in.

So I didn’t!

But I did my sun salutations because it felt wrong to eat breakfast without doing something… and during my computer breaks I’ve been going to the mat to do 3 A’s or 5 A’s. I listened to a Richard Freeman podcast about recognising how we identify & attach ourselves (wrongly) to externals like our our house, our car, our practice, our body… but even our bodies keep changing. Our fingernails grow & are cut off. There isn’t a cell in our bodies that was already in here 7 years ago… so the idea that we ‘are’ our bodies is false.

And I realise I’ve become too attached to mysore practice.

From reading the posts/blogs here at WoYoPracMo, I see that most people are building their yoga practice around home practice with occasional classes. And I’m feeling that’s really how it should be–I mean for me now. I’ve been incredibly spoiled, going to class 5 or 6 days/week. And ‘spoiled’ in more than one sense, because of getting sucked into the posh spa franchise atmosphere & the carbon footprint that so much more traveling puts down.

I think my reaction (okay, it was pretty extreme. I was taken aback by myself!) to the ‘hard sell’ tactics “This is the best discount you’ll ever get… (till the better discount next month…)” of the sales personnel was coming from my not wanting to become too comfortable here.

Much as I like it at Pure (& I do love the showers–so convenient) and much as I’m learning & growing under Teacher Celeste, I think it’s time for me to ‘grow up’ in my practice.

Like they warn people in fundamentalist churches against getting caught up in the ‘cult of the pastor’, here I want to remember the point is to practice yoga, not to turn up at Pure for Celeste’s class.

I have 5 and half months of classes left here so I’ll wean myself off gradually. My ideal for the future would be: Daily home practice with moon days and one day a week off; one day a week at a mysore class if I can find somewhere less pushy/commercial to practice. And one workshop/retreat a year.

But for now, till my membership runs out I’ll try to go in 3 times a week and do full home practice on the other days.

Today may not have been a practice day, but I believe I have ‘grown’ in my long term practice. And strangely, doing sun salutations feels really good. I’m just realising How to hold my arms, my spine, my rib cage with control but without strain/tension and at the right point I can feel the weight in my arms & almost under my arms and… I know, the rest of you have probably been doing them this way all along but I’ve JUST realised (2 years into this) what it’s supposed to feel like!!!

On the writing note… I’ve sent in my first agent query letter…

Rosemary sent cc-d the contact for agent she said was interested in representing me… turns out to be Geraldine Cooke from Preston Marsh! An agency I’ve actually heard of–and listed in W & A… anyway, immediately wrote her a query letter to see if she’s still interested. The comment was made in first week of December as far as I can tell, but Rosemary was too busy to let me know till last Saturday (!) But I only just thought of submitting a query to Gregory & Company so this may be a case of ‘ask the universe & it replies’. The drawback of Preston Marsh is they are listed as not representing literary & crime fiction, so…

Gregory & Company would suit me so much better for several reasons. They represent: 1) Val McDermid–crime/lesbian protagonist/writes in different genres 2) Minette Walters–I would love to & think I can write crime fiction in her mould… only set inside Singapore heads of course! 3) Tan Twan Eng–who is Malaysian, which means they don’t mind working with people in this region 4) They are interested in new & commercial writers who can sell internationally & I know I can… this is one area the apprenticeship in theatre would come in useful… that’s where my instincts led me. But they have no reason to take me on, so all my reasons for wanting to become part of their stable count for nothing against Geraldine Cooke having read an excerpt I wrote & saying she would be interested…  (too bad I didn’t hear till over a month later!)

Well–now we wait…

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