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This Ridiculous World

Scanned the Straits Times before heading out for practice & saw Benazir Bhutto is dead, murdered.

Kept thinking, things like that don’t just happen–but yes, they do & have–I kept feeling reactions trying to rise but not quite acknowledging them–you want to be angry/sad/you want to kill & mangle that murdering idiot (well the assassin himself is dead) and all those other idiots (though she knew the risk & could have stayed safely in America (she was rich enough, had enough contacts,) but chose to return for the sake & the good of those same idiots–she would not want me to call down destruction upon them as I want to. My only reaction is–they are all ridiculous. We are all ridiculous. What’s the point of going on when we mess up so badly & have fucking idiot fundamentalists killing off the only people who try to set things right?

I went and had a very bad practice (not surprising) in a (surprisingly) empty class. Asked Poona, after, had she heard? She said yes, it was all over CNN last night. I was in bed listening to a recording of Richard Freeman on obstacles to practice last night–sounds so ridiculous now. But being glued to the tv wouldn’t have helped her or Pakistan.

I know angry reactions don’t help. I also know how it feels to want to smash in hospital doors because she died in there–even if they were the ones trying to save her life–the point is, she died in there and they did not save her. I feel like smashing doors too.

But I probably won’t.

The sweet darling Beaver bought me 6 new shirts (none of them black, none of them black and white, none of them striped…) & a pair of cut off pants (not jeans) and made me promise to throw out all my old T-shirts with the old year. He says trust him, he has fashion in his blood…!


2 Responses

  1. immediate consequences: postponement of/chaos at (prob both)upcoming elections

    longterm consequences. Imagine Your War Today interview 5 years hence: “when would you say the tide turned finally & decisively against the anti-terrorist moderates & secularists?”
    “With the assassination of Benazir Bhutto,”

    & I personally don’t believe it’s as simple as ‘al-Q terrorists’ or ‘fundie suicide bomber’. The last attempt on her life in October–how come street lights were conveniently off? With no obvious sabotage or after effects? That shows much higher level participation… along with practical conservation of municipal resources!

    sorry… very sore still. hope you are well, dear…

  2. Can you imagine the political implications of her assasination on an international level? scary.

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